Survey Results Question 6

Question 6. What were the reasons (the motivations) you tried to follow an ex-gay path?

415 participants out of 417 answered this question.

* Three of the above options were too long to be completely displayed in the chart, they are:

- The desire to fit in with everyone, to feel "normal"

- I believed this was the only way to minister to others

- AIDS and other STDs that I assumed I would get if I came out gay

The top three reasons above are all religious as well as the majority of the written comments being religious reasons and often desperate in nature, eg “I would go to hell if I was gay.” Still, the written responses have a smattering of diverse reasons, everything from wanting to stay in the military to pleasing a spouse.

Written Responses:

Below are as many responses as could be included. For the most part, these responses were left exactly as written. If they were edited or removed it was a result of protecting anonymity, improper grammar to the degree that the statement was significantly hard to understand, or the response was just too long.

My family suggested counseling and put intense pressure on me to participate. I consented partially because I was 16 and totally dependent on my parents at the time and partially because I had been raised in the Christian faith and had some moral qualms about my sexuality.

Cause the Bible seemed to condemn it

I was first exposed to an ex-gay ministry (Exodus) via a seminar at a Summit Ministries conference. After speaking to one of the Exodus representatives, he gave me a free book on the subject and encouraged me to seek counseling, which I did on his and another's advice.

I approached my church at age 19 and they "prayed the gay away" and told me to claim my healing and move on. Then at age 30 they referred me to an in-patient center for "addictions" though I had never had gay sex.

I wanted to serve God and my life as an active, promiscuous homosexual seemed to be directly in opposition to God’s standard of holy (set-apart) living as a Biblically Conservative Fundamentalist Christian.

because I believed sexual deviance was wrong.

It was a requirement to remain in a Christian School

I was told it was a response to childhood abuses that happened even if I did not remember them.

As a Mormon, being gay was inconceivable. There was simply no place for it in the worldview.

I was told being gay was from Satan and I would go to hell for being gay, told this from my earliest youth, I was told it was the worst thing a man could be, that it was an abomination and evil and must repent and that Jesus would change me if I tried hard enough

I was told to be gay was sinful, and Exodus was promoting "are you gay and not happy" - check out Exodus Int. That it was my gay life style that was making me sad and depressed. That to label oneself as gay would mean a life of promiscuity, depression, drug and alcohol abuse, AIDS. I heard about Matthew Manning through the 700 Club, later to find out he was a fraud and was removed from the 700 Club website.

I was told I had demons, and even had someone "name" those demons who were "tormenting" me.

I had recently become a born again Christian, and felt I had to take seriously what all the people around me - who were helping me with so much else - had to say about being gay. I also just wanted to know if it was true- if God really did hate homosexuality. And I disliked a lot of what I'd seen in the gay community - and some of the ways I'd been living.

I am the kind of person who wants to please others. I care about their happiness and unhappiness more than mine and usually will go to great lengths to satisfy the needs of others before my own. This was my biggest fault as a young lesbian - I allowed others to change me for their own happiness rather than insisting on living a life I would be happy and fulfilled leading.

It was a private and personal choice

As a Mormon, being gay was inconceivable. There was simply no place for

I am an ordained Baptist minister

Depression from break-up from a boyfriend.

Fear of ruining God's plan for my life.

I believed that I was gay due to the lack of emotional connection with my father during my childhood (which I genuinely did need healing from.) I was just incorrect in my assumption that this was the cause of my sexual orientation.

Never heard of bisexuality (or at least an explanation of what bisexuality is), or anything but gay and straight, was told my interest in opposite sex was a sign that I could be "cured" of same sex attractions.

I thought that the fundie street preachers were the only ones who were right.

I am a minister who was shunned

I was ministering to other youth struggling with the same things, and felt that I had to follow this path in order to not let them down.

My issue was also gender identity disorder. I am currently living as a transgender woman. I was living as a transgender woman at the time I went into the "ex-gay" program. I then was married for 8 years after going back to living as a male. I transitioned back to being a woman 5 years after my divorce.

All the time I was 'getting better' or 'getting healed' or 'getting godly' we all sincerely believed we were doing the right, necessary things. After failing totally at the end of ten years, I felt I had only deepened my seeming inability to do what God wants us to do, be the person God wants us to be, and by default was locked into deception and pretending at so many different levels of daily life and church life that I had little or no active, reliable sense of a real me inside. The depression cycles finally came to stay as a lasting side of my personality, all my relationships were built on what other people seemed to perceive about me, want me to do, and all I had was a strong lesson of silence, lapsing into failure, invisibility, helplessness, and dejection.

- Made to fear and be ashamed of my very high sex drive and interest in BDSM. -Never heard of bisexuality (or at least an explanation of what bisexuality is), or anything but gay and straight, was told my interest in opposite sex was a sign that I could be "cured" of same sex attractions. -Tempted by seemingly happy ex-gay success stories about getting married, ESP John and Anne Paulk -To prove to parents that I'm not trying to hurt them or rebel against god.

I was told being gay was from Satan and I would go to hell for being gay, told this from my earliest youth, I was told it was the worst thing a man could be, that it was an abomination and evil and must repent and that Jesus would change me if I tried hard enough

Deep down I knew that I was gay, but in trying to be “normal” I was in denial.

Came from a small town in michigan - didn't see other gay people. Had a few bad "first" experiences in college. - didn't see an upside to being gay at the time

My pastor at the time implored me to deal with this. I had no desire to change my sexual orientation. This was upon his insistence.

Afraid of my dad (a minister) who was involved in a leadership capacity in reparative organizations having my 'shame' brought upon the family.

I was forced by my parents, counselor and church members to participate in ex-gay activities.

part of drug and alcohol program

I thought repenting of a same-sex sexual assault on my roommate also meant that I had to repent of all homosexual behavior.

Intense desire for a healthy self identity / self image born not out of same sex attractions, but born out of the image of God which was so fractured within me.

Needed to stop sexual acting-out for health reasons (sexually addicted).

Scripture is CLEAR that homosexuals and other kinds of unrighteous people will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Acceptance by a religious community I mostly admired but also had a strong conservatism, at least in my area.

Honestly a large part of it was because even though I'd had same-sex attractions for years (and never opposite-sex attractions that I remember), I'd always thought of myself as straight. I had heard a couple times that homosexuality was wrong, but it was more that I just always grew up expecting to marry a girl and have a family. Then when I got older the only thing I heard about it was misinformation and very poor Biblical translation/interpretation. So I thought it was wrong, but no more wrong than anything else. I also bought into the lie about not having been close to my father (which I was, especially when I was older) and suffered mild memory modification.

I'm transgendered, so please understand that we are not represented as much as we need to be.

I so wanted to be "normal." I didn't believe that God could possibly accept me the way I was, given that I myself couldn't. Conventionally "feminine" religious women who focused their entire lives around being a "good wife and mother" seemed to be happy and at peace (unlike me); they were respected and valued. I thought that if I could only be like them that everything would be fine.

To meet other people in similar situation

I did not actively try to follow an ex-gay path, but was forced into different psychiatric and religious based ex-gay therapies.

Because I have a messed up childhood filled with emotional, mental and some physical (but no sexual) abuse, and I saw connections between my experiences and the experiences that the ex-gay community claims cause homosexuality

No oner forced me, and even my pastor said that I didn’t need Exodus, that if I was in Christ I was a new creation, and all the rest was, is, and will be forgiven by God

I believed that I was gay due to a lack of my Dad being present. P.S. There was no charge for our group. I did buy a book or two.

I never consented to what was going on. It was hidden from me so it would appear I was either going crazy, irrational, or just being a selfish individual. I was told both verbally and non-verbally I was selfish and unimportant by family, friends, co-workers, and guys I attempted to date and connect with.

'Because I believed sexual “deviance” was wrong.' I took the fact that I kept getting STDs from my partner, whom I had asked to be faithful, as a sign that a fulfilling commitment was impossible in a same sex relationship. I prayed after reading God Calling and saw the last STD as God's answer, that being gay was wrong. I thought that I should give "living straight" a chance, as though it were the "higher road."

it didn't feel right

I was told to view homosexuality as being akin to alcoholism. I had to repent of the sin, have the spirit of homosexuality cast out of me, avoid any future temptation and live a new life.

I was not afraid of AIDS if I came out, I was afraid of AIDS if I lost control of my sexuality.

To stay pure.

substitute "bi" for "gay" - or maybe "not hetero-normative” as understood by the churches I attended and you've got it.

I didn't want to be in a "dead church" as many open and affirming churches are (in my experience) in the Pacific NW.

Tried it because standard tech wasn't handling my gayness. It's considered low on the emotional tone scale and was holding back my movement on the bridge.

Didn't want to be gay

To get rid of my desires towards the same gender, and to develop feelings of sexually attraction towards the opposite gender. Didn't even really understand the gay thing...

Afraid of my dad (a minister) who was involved in a leadership capacity in reparative organizations having my 'shame' brought upon the family.

Mostly it was because I wanted to please God and I didn't think being gay was an option

to make my wife happy

I wanted the privilege awarded to me by society as long as I passed as a gender-normative, heterosexual.

I was coerced by family and religious leaders.

After coming out and becoming a GLBT activist, the GLBT community bullied the living Hell out of me for seven years prompting me to re-enter ex-gay therapy.

Growing up in the church and seeking to be a denominational minister does not provide an option for anything other than to be heterosexually married. The only thing possible in order to proceed forward was to pretend to be straight.

Negative portrayals of LGBT people in the church and Christian media

Wanted to stay in the military

I was informed I would be ex-communicated if I did not, and everyone I knew at the time (excluding immediate family) was Baha'i.

Required to remain in college -Feared if I came out, it would lead others away from God and send them to hell

I was a student at a Bible College and saw no ministry future if I was "tainted" by this situation. Some of my motivations were self and then it was forced by family and church.

I fell in love and was married at 38 after 7years of psychotherapy and a religious conversion experience. My wife was very fine and I had all I wanted being married to her.

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